Lifetime Cat -- Dealing with the Loss of a Favorite Cat
by Carlee Marrer-Tising

The right cat + the right “owner”* + the right time for both = a one-in-a-million cat, a “lifetime cat”! 

What exactly is a “lifetime cat?”  It is a cat with just the right character and personality, just the right appearance and behavior, in short, just the right everything, for the human* whose life she** shares at just the right time in both of their lives.  The human, of course, has to have just the right character and personality and has to meet all the other necessary criteria, as well, to be the perfect match for the cat.  (I think it could be compared to relationships between members of our own species.  Every now and then we see two people who are what we could call “soul mates,” two people who fit together in every way.  Since these relationships, too, are quite rare, it should come as no surprise that they are also rare between us and our cats.)   In other words, this is a match “made in heaven!”  Some people have only one such cat in their lives, as the expression implies, while others are lucky enough to share their lives with more than one such cat. 

Although individual cats of any breed have the potential to form this special kind of bond with their owners, the ones characterized as extremely people oriented are obviously more likely than others to actually do it.  For this reason it is not surprising that Sphynx are particularly predestined for this special bonding. 

The more we do with our cat, the more we share with her, the more she lets us into her life. I see this with some of my Sphynx, and I saw this with my first Burmese, Aida.  I took her everyplace with me, even to classes at the university (at the request of the professor, no less), to street festivals, on vacations, and even to church!  She was my constant companion, my little shadow from morning until night.  I knew it would be a terrible day when we would have to say our last good-bye; and, of course, it was.  No longer was it necessary to be sure the door didn’t slam on a long, brown tail.  No longer was there a little furry body to hug at night, and the list of things I dearly missed could no doubt be extended for several paragraphs.  It is obvious that a cat that is such an all-encompassing companion, that brings us so much delight, comfort and pure joy will be even harder to lose than other cats that do not have this close bond with you.

Whether the cat is suddenly taken from us due to disease, infection, an accident at a very young age—Kay Marshall had to endure the completely unnecessary, way-too-early death of her beloved Gimli due to the use of Ketamine during a routine dental procedure—or she dies a so-called natural death due to old age, it is a horrible and sad day.  The last visit to the veterinarian is heart breaking, and if we have to make the decision ourselves to put an end to her life for any reason, guilt—even though we are performing one last act of kindness for her—is added to our grief, making it even harder to accept the reality of her death. 

What can we do when we lose such a precious part of our own life?  How do we stop the tears?  How do we stop the pain?  How do we learn to concentrate on the happy moments without the last day overshadowing them?  What do we when our family or friends say:  “Don’t be so silly, it was just a cat,” or, “You can get another one,” or equally tactless things?  When we are not taken seriously as we mourn an animal that—to us—was a family member and a best friend, we may feel terribly alone with our pain. 

If we have an animal that is also grieving for a lost friend this can either make us even more miserable because we feel so sorry for her and so helpless to make things better, or else it gives us a chance to focus on her, giving her lots of love and attention and in this way getting our own thoughts in a more positive direction as we support and help another living being in need.  This can be a real bonus because giving love is one of the greatest ways there is to help us heal ourselves.   

Here is a helpful link: 
  http://www.howtodothings.com/pets-and-animals/a4313-how-to-help-your-pet-cope-with-the-loss-of-another-pet.html    

There are few times in our lives when one will hear as many trite remarks as when we are dealing with the loss due to death.  But as trite as the remarks are, most of them are true enough.  It is, for example, true that time helps ease the pain and that once we accept the reality that is instead of grieving for the reality we wish could still be, we will begin to heal.  It is also true that the loved one we have lost would not want us to be miserable, but would want us to let go of our pain and sadness and move on.  And although it takes all of us—some longer than others—a while before we can open our heart to another kitten or cat, the day will come when we once more experience the delight of making friends with a new little potential lifetime cat. 

Until we reach that point we can find a lot of support from other cat lovers, and there are many things we can do to help ourselves overcome the hurting.  A friend of mine who lost her beloved Siamese donated a large sum of money to a university in her cat’s name and created a scholarship fund for students of veterinary medicine.  Her cat’s memory lives on thanks to this generous gift.  Many people find consolation in writing about their cats, whether in prose or poetry, also creating a beautiful tribute to their much-loved friend.  When my Aida died, a friend sent me the following beautiful verse: 

“…Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you…  I loved you so  -- ‘twas Heaven here with you.” - Isla Paschal Richardson

Many people who are mourning for an animal find solace in the idea that their pets are waiting for them at the Rainbow Bridge and that they will one day be reunited. The beautiful poem about the bridge can be read at the link above as well.

An additional link that is very helpful is: http://www.petloss.com/
Read a poem by Jacky Chapman

Related to the idea of the Rainbow Bridge is the idea that our pets that are no longer living with us are watching us from above in the form of little animal angels.  This is a very appealing idea and the greeting card industry, among others, has made the most of it.  There are cat angel books, cat angel Christmas tree ornaments, cat angel pictures, cards, and any number of other items that can be purchased to console those of us who are grieving over our lost pets. 

In conclusion, I would like to share with you one of the most comforting verses I have ever read with regard to grieving for a beloved one: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
- Theodore Geiss (Dr. Seuss)

Authors notes:

*For the sake of simplicity (and not conviction), I will usually use the word “owner” instead of “adopter,” “human,” “care-taker,” “servant,” or any other word avoiding the concept of “ownership” or “possession” when talking about the relationship we have to our cats.  As far as my conviction goes, I often feel that I am the one who is owned by my cats, and not the other way around.  

**Also for the sake of simplicity, I will use the grammatical feminine form (she, her) instead of the cumbersome “he/she,” “his/her* or the offensive (to some people) “it.” 

***Instead of using the cumbersome “animal companion” in order to avoid the word, “pet.” I will consciously use the latter, especially since its meaning is positive with no negative connotations. 

A Poem by Jacky Chapman for her beloved cat, Patches

Patches, My Love
6/3/79 - 3/8/89

Angel Girl, it's been so long since you have gone away. --
I wish that we could meet again, if only for one day.

I see you still, a tiny kit, a baby cat just borne.
You claimed my heart with your first breath
And to this day I mourn.

My kit of many colors,
My darling little friend;
You chose me above all others
So loyal to the end.

Your eyes of gold shone pure with love;
I knew that I was blessed.
A precious gift sent from up above;
So different from the rest.

At night you lay so close to me; so safe within my arms.
I wanted more than anything to keep you safe from harm.
We played and laughed and purred and loved until that rainy day.
Then all the love that we two shared could not help you to stay.

I think sometimes, in darkest night, that I still hear your purr.
I reach across, where you should be, in sleep to touch your fur.
I know that we will meet again; but now just run and play.
Be happy, dearest little love…I'll hold you some fine day.
My Patches, My Forever Love...I will hold you in my heart until the day comes when I can hold you in my arms again.

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